We're going to play a little game today. We're going to flip through the Vanguardia and see if we can find any particular slant toward the news regarding the United States and international affairs.

Page One: Above the head: Bush Promises US Will Not Leave Iraq, Page 3

Page Three: Headlines: US softens treatment of prisoners; "The New Yorker" accuses Rumsfeld of ordering sexual abuses; "Boston Globe" photos from porno website

"Clamor against torture...sleep deprivation...diet manipulation...forced to squat...use of dogs to frighten them...indignation caused by the abuses...the Pentagon's Number Two and brain behind the war, Paul Wolfowitz...inhumane treatment...torture and sexual humiliation...approved last year directly by Rumsfeld...secret plan...brutal techniques...the tool of sexual humiliation...blackmail..."

Page Four: Xavier Batalla: "One year after the fall of Saddam, which was saluted as victory, the neoconservative utopis has been shown to be myopia, like in Vietnam, which has left Washington in a dead-end street. Colin Powell is talking about a withdrawal if the Iraqis ask for it. Iraq is Bush's great error."

Headline: At least 45 Iraqis die in clashes with occupying troops; British soldiers kill 20 militia fighting off ambush

"Fatal incidents...45 Iraqis and 4 American soldiers have died...an Iraqi civilian died...grenade attack...son of a businessman who dealt with the occupation troops...American soldiers killed 21 Iraqis...four Shiite militaimen killed in combat...holy city of Karbala...seven Iraqis killed...American soldiers opened fire to repel grenade-launcher attack...four deaths on Friday...rocket attack...four Iraqis killed, twenty wounded...mortar attack in the city of Mosul."

Page 14: Carlos Nadal: When Horror Uncovers Its Face

"We're under the volcano without wanting to find out. Life goes on. Hasn't it always been that way? So we see the President, George W. Bush, who, instead of announcing that he will clean up his own house, looks at the rest of the world for new enemies. And he points at, with his accusing and threatening finger, the Syria of the Baathist President, apparently guilty of sheltering terrorist groups...It's been a long time since the majority of peoples have not been able to say what they want. And those who understand are left with the bitter taste of being subjected to frauds of enormous proportions."

Page 23: Aznar ready to appear before 3/11 investigating committee

"...Aznar stated that the torture was not generalized and that he was sure the conditions that allowed them will be corrected. The ex-Prime Minister stated that the distribution of the images in which the tortures and abuses are shown have been, 'of course, a serious blow' to US credibility. However, he stated that there is also a 'stupid and rudimentary anti-Americanism' in Europe which impedes an essential alliance in order to win the war on terror. Aznar stated that the American tortures, "which have been exposed and will be corrected", cannot be compared with the "systematic murders and tortures" of Saddam Hussein's Iraq. Aznar reiterated his support for the invasion of Iraq, although the weapons of mass destruction have not been found. "We did what we should have done, withougt a doubt, " he said. He advised the United States to stand firm in the struggle against terror. He insisted that the withdrawal of the Spanish troops from Iraq means sending "the wrong message to the terrorists," because it "only pleases Al Qaeda and weakens the international coalition against terror."

All right, that's enough. There are a couple more paragraphs of Aznar saying extremely sensible things. Then there are about thirteen more articles, from the likes of Eulàlia "Chemical Lali" Solé (titled "Torture and hypocrisy", of course); a full-page image on the front page of the week-in-review section showing the photo of Iraqi victim with the cables (a total Christ-figure, just perfect, with those arms outstretched and the Ku Klux Klan hood covering his head) inside a black frame and the headline "Moral defeat" in red; inside, the Lynndie-England-with-dog-leash photo and the Vietnam photo of the naked girl running away juxtaposed; an article by Andy Robinson, which I will not quote from because I'm tired of promoting his Trot / Anarcho shit by translating it here; and an extremely bad "satirical poem" by the guy who does the alleged humor section on how Donald Rumsfeld can only get an erection if he's watching a scene of torture; and some other crap.

No, I think I will quote the alleged poem, written in a parody of Spanish 18th century style and signed by one Marquis de Esade (ha, ha, ESADE is a Very Establishment Bourgeois Barcelona Business School. Get the joke? It's funny. I think. Maybe not.)

Executioner of the empire
Rumsfeld goes to work
The world is a cemetery
And the cities are Guernica

At his orders, unquestioning
The lumpen soldiers torture
Young people who are silent
While they abuse and kill

"These inhuman beings
Don't understand democracy"
Shouts Rumsfeld with his hands
Stained by fallacy.

Everyone has his own demon
And I see Rumsfeld
Who can only get it up
If he's watching a person tortured.

"...y a Rumsfeld se me figura
que sólo se levanta
si presencia una tortura."

That's actually really sick. I can't believe a newspaper would publish something that revolting, such a foul caricature of the truth. The guy who writes this shit is named Jaume Collell, whose job I could do much better myself, and Spanish isn't even my native language.

José María, we could use you in Kansas. Wanna be governor? I think all you need is a year or two residency to run. I bet the Spanish and American governments would be willing to make a special-case deal for you to be bi-national. Take a job at KU for a couple of years--they'd treat you like God, you'd be the biggest thing that ever hit Lawrence, an actual person of influence. Then run; you'll whip whatever loser the Dems put up.

Seriously, totally off the subject, why don't we draft governors from out of state? We hire city managers and school superintendents and police and fire chiefs and insurance and banking and transport commissioners and other really important jobs like that from all over the US; we pick the best candidate available whether he's from Honolulu or Houston--or Hong Kong, for that matter, though I imagine American citizenship is required for these jobs as a general rule.

There are at least a few decent people over here. Mr. Aznar is about as good as they get. And that's pretty damn good.